Flying in...

I may barbecue or (egad!) grill this weekend. When I think of my first few spring BBQ quests, I remember how the flies come "out of the vinylwork" to hang around the back porch where the smoker is working. They are usually seen resting on the mower, chairs, door frame, and anything near the meat in question. I figure they're pretty tired from their flight.

I live a few miles north of Lexington, NC (God love 'em), which fancies itself as a barbecue capital. I don't want to open the old wound of how an entire city can get pickled by vinegar trying to pass itself off as sauce, but let's say I'm not the biggest fan of watery barbecue. It's OK in a pinch, but I have to be pinched fairly hard.

I reckon once these flies get a whiff of the smoke and 'sauce' as it wafts down US 52, they arise from their pickled stupor, ride the slipstream of a northbound semi, and come to the smell-a-rama on my back porch.

They're all weary from the journey, so they sit and revive themselves on the aroma. It's at this point that I realize even the smallest of creatures can 'see the light' and escape the clutches of vinegarism. Then, I let them inside, where my cat can eat smoked flies.
BBQ / barbecue / Barbecue Ribs

Pork Queen, how I love you!

from Walk This Way: "A GMLc reader in Pinopolis sent us a clip from Reader's Digest... a publication we don't read, so we appreciate the reader's interest. RD has made a list of '5 Not-So-Beautiful Beauty Pageants' in the United States.

1) Miss Gothic Massachusetts. GMLc thought goth had both peaked and died in the late '80s. Where have we been? According to its Web site, Miss Goth Mass. is an annual search 'for the darkest and most morbidly morose beauties of New England. From Rhode Island to Maine these Funereal Fantasies will strut their Sadistic Stuff.'
2) Miss Drumstick. Contestants in Arkansas are judged from the thighs down.
3) Pork Princess. And Pork Queen. In Iowa, this is an agricultural, not legislative, occasion.
4) Mr./Ms. Armpit. After The Washington Post named it 'the armpit of America' in 2001, Battle Mountain, Nev., started an annual Festival in the Pit.
5) Miss Hell Hole Swamp. Jamestown, S.C. Pre-Hell Hole is scheduled for April 28-29, with baby beauty pageants. The festival will officially open April 30 with the Miss Hell Hole pageant and continue through May 5, 6 and 7 with food, bands, horseshoes, parades, model trains, arts and crafts, arm wrestling, talent shows, etc."

Pork Queen....would they assess her beauty strictly on her shoulders, ribs, and um, the area equated to a pork butt?
BBQ / Barbecue / Barbecue Ribs

The Calgary Sun - U.S. will secure Somalia waters

The Calgary Sun - U.S. will secure Somalia waters: "BAIDOA, Somalia -- Somalia has granted the U.S. navy permission to patrol its coastal waters in an effort to combat piracy off the lawless Horn of Africa country, the prime minister said.
Ali Mohamed Gedi told legislators Sunday the U.S. also would help the transitional government set up a coast guard to secure the 3,000-km coastline."
So, let me get this straight. Some noodleheads in Washington (including the president) were willing to turn control of our ports over to a Muslim nation with ties to terrorism (redundant), and now a Muslim nation where our soldiers have been killed in recent years wants us to secure their coast against pirates?
Where did the US get the terrible habit of kissing up to our enemies? May God have mercy on us; we have lost our senses.
Pirates / Pirates of the Caribbean

Revenge of the Seagull

I have some really fond memories of my times in Charleston. One of the more humorous ones is of an incident at the Battery in White Point Gardens when I was fourteen.

I had tagged along with my older brother and his friend who was visiting from out of town, and we wound up eating a sack lunch at the Battery after visiting the museum. It was a beautiful day, and I was enjoying one of the few times of peace with my brother. Our conversation had turned to the seagulls, which we termed 'flying rats' for their apparent diet of anything they could swallow.

Others in the park were throwing bits of bread for the seagulls to snatch up on the wing. After joining in with the perimeters of our sandwiches, we thought we would try small pieces of apple. They too, were well-received (and no doubt a good source of fiber). After I demonstrated how trained the birds were to swoop down even when an empty hand is thrust skyward, I said they were stupid, and would probably even eat my apple core.

With three apple cores now before us, it was put upon me as the youngest to try this out. I suppose if the core landed on the ground, my brother and friend could not be accused of littering. As the subject approached, I heaved my core fairly high, so he would have an extra second to respond. Sure enough, he caught the apple core square in his beak and flew away.

We all had a laugh and commented on the stupid birds, wondering aloud what he would possibly do with such a large object. A second later, it was very clear. The seagull had circled the boundary of the park, taken aim, released, and hit me on the top of my head with my own apple core.

I should have written in a nature journal: 1) Seagulls will not eat quite everything. 2) Seagulls understand insults. 3) Seagulls have excellent aim.
Charleston, SC / South Carolina / Lowcountry

The way you tell it

Walk this way....: "The new guy in the cellblock is feeling pretty lousy. Then he hears somebody yell out, '41!' And everybody else in the block laughs uproariously. Somebody else says '28!'

More laughs.

New guys asks his cellmate, 'What's going on?' Cellmate says, 'We don't hear any new jokes in here, so we just tell the same ones over and over. Every joke has a number, so we don't have to listen to the same tired old words.'

So new guy thinks this is pretty neat. He calls out a number at random: '14!' Nobody laughs. He says, '39!' Not a peep.

The cellmate takes him aside and says, 'Look, kid. It's not so much the joke. It's the way you tell it that makes it funny.'"

Pig Saves Life of BBQ Baron

Pig Saves Life of BBQ Baron - The BBQ Report: "After serving millions of them up to his patrons over the last 70 years, two pigs went from providing Melvin Bessinger’s livelihood to saving his life. Bessinger, the longtime South Carolina bar-b-que magnate and co-founder of the highly successful Melvin’s Bar-B-Que chain, recently found himself in need of heart valve replacement surgery. Ironically, the valves doctors use these days are taken from farm-raised pigs."
This man truly has BBQ in his heart...
Do you realize that, though I am a blogger rookie, I managed to go from ridiculous to sublime in only two posts?
BBQ / Barbecue / Barbecue Ribs

BBQ Blog - Barbecue linked to cancer

BBQ Blog - : "I've read similar articles in the past referencing similar health issues associated with eating overcooked meat, but most of them reference 'eating meat that is charred' and methods of cooking that I associate more closely with grilling than with slow-cooked barbecue."
I agree. Just because something is slow-cooked for several or many hours doesn't make it overcooked. The best way (some say the only way) to make true barbecue is slowly, with indirect heat. The lesson: "Grilling over flame will eventually kill you. You might just as well eat charcoal."... or something like that.
BBQ / Barbecue / Barbecue Ribs